The All Faiths Insurgency/Counterinsurgency Church/Mosque Online

From a Texan soldier’s blog:

The chaplain comes by from time to time. He gives services inside the leader’s tent.  I don’t attend, but since I live there sometimes i overhear what is said. On one occasion the chaplain told some soldiers that God will help them find IEDs before they step on them, but if they do step on them it will be OK because God is with them. I read something very similar to this in reverse. In a speech given at a nearby village by a pro-Taliban mullah, he said that God will help you to plant IEDs, and if the Americans shoot you, then well, don’t worry because you got shot for God. Most impressive, really. Both the chaplain and the mullah must be pulling material from the All Faiths Insurgency/Counterinsurgency Church/Mosque Online (AFICCMO) because it sucks.

Boys in tight jeans = More dangerous than suicide bombers

So, so much more dangerous.

That’s what a couple of Afghan senators think. From a paywalled gem of a story by Pajhwok:

[Lawmaker Maulvi Munib] said a number of foreign countries had succeeded in luring young Afghan girls and boys into adopting their culture.

He did not name any country, but asked the government to fulfill its responsibility toward that end. “It is more dangerous than atom bomb when your youth is inspired by a foreign culture,” the Maulvi said.

He said some people wore such clothes that one could not differentiate whether they are made for men or women.

Maulvi Abdul Wahab Irafan from Takhar province said Afghanistan suffered less during three decades of war compared to past few years due to the invasion of foreign culture.

“The invasion of foreign culture is more dangerous than suicide attacks, bombs blasts and other terrorist activities,” he remarked.

Y’hear that, shiny suited, pink t-shirt wearing, emo kid jeans loving Kabul youths? Well, you better. Because your country is suffering because of your foppish fashions.

Taliban inevitably join the Twitterverse

Today in WTF war news: Afghanistan’s ironically social media-savvy insurgents have jumped on the Twitterz with the account @alemarahweb.

How long before the account manager, Taliban communication upstart Mostafa Ahmedi, gets into a tweet brawl with Pamir 303 commander @Daud1970?

Please, someone, make this happen.

Afghanistan headlines for the Onion

I asked and you delivered, mostly on facebook. Thanks, guys! Let’s keep this going.

Taliban Propaganda Chief Found with Unlicensed Photoshop Suite

Unable to Check Facebook in Daikundi, Taliban Recruits Refuse to Deploy

Distracted by Afghan Idol Finale, Taliban Suicide Bomber Forgets to Detonate

‎Taliban Monitoring and Evaluation Officer Disputes NATO Metrics

Taliban Who Wintered in Pakistan Taunted as ‘Warbirds’ at Home

Morale Plummets Among Taliban Recruits Amid Rumors of Virgin Shortage in Heaven

Quetta Shura calls rumors unsubstantiated, scrambles to develop alternative incentives

Your workday interlude

Because I am mired in pre-vacation work and don’t have time to blog about anything substantive, here’ an epic video of US Marines in Afghanistan lipsyncing and dancing to Britney Spears’ ‘Hold It Against Me.’

Does anybody know if this video has hit Afghan television yet?

LOL-worthy, in the worst way possible

This, from Jezebel:

We’ve come to expect a certain amount of unsavory behavior from Campbell, but as terrible as assaulting maids and drivers is, nothing really compares to taking a blood diamond from Charles Taylor and then withholding evidence from a war crimes tribunal.

The quest for solutions

From Foreign Affairs:

It appears that Karzai has made too many promises to too many people to be able to honor them all. “There are a lot of competing demands on him,” said Ershad Ahmadi, the deputy of the country’s anticorruption commission. Ahmadi described Karzai as “a good president in a bad country” and went on to tell me that Karzai should find some other way to grant tokens of prestige or power to the warlords. “Give them something else,” he said, suggesting a possible advisory role that would carry little actual responsibility. “Like the National Council of whatever, ‘Dignified Afghans.'”

I cracked up.

These people are beyond parody

Too bad, because parody is fun.

Anyway, here is a video that will ruin your afternoon:

You’re welcome.

*
A side note: Videos like the one above make me think, and we’re the ones advising other countries how to run liberal democracies and promote civic involvement and all that warm, fuzzy stuff? Insane.

But then, mercifully, I remember that it’s not the crazies doing that work, it’s people like me, or, more precisely, people like my superiors.

A smugness of bloggers

Aid Thoughts is brilliant.

We don’t have any really good collective nouns, do we? There’s nothing like a “pride” of lions, or an “annoyance” of mimes. I humbly suggest the following:

• A sympathy of charities
• A  contradiction of economists
• A frustration of bureaucrats
• A complexity of anthropologists
• A confusion of NGOs
• A quagmire of donors
• An infestation of politicians
• A detail of immigration officials
• An excellence of bloggers (I suspect others may wish to change this to ‘A smugness of bloggers’. I’ll let you decide. I vote for excellence, as a totally unbiased observer, of course).

I’d add:

• A conviction of  international criminal lawyers
• A compliance of human rights officers
• A delay of IGOs
• A creep of IFIs
• A consternation of think tanks
• A bluster of pundits
• A vigilance of monitors

Use of Minotaur, infinite labyrinth violated Geneva Conventions

Video below the jump.